all day saturday was bachelorette day. we all woke up early and trekked to ekta's house. pallavi and ekta led pd [miss bride-to-be, in case that slipped your mind], rheea and i through some breathing, stretching and voice exercises on the rooftop terrace. seriously, every bachelorette should start out with yoga or yoga-like-ness. yes, i said it, every single one. and i mean it.
we all changed into sarees, helped doll up our bride-to-be, and headed to airlines for a late breakfast. airlines is one of the oldest restaurants in bangalore. it has quintessential south indian breakast and open-air seating. we sat and drank coffee or tea, munching on deliciousness and just happily chatting, taking everything in.
after yashu and meghna met up with us, the seven of us walked to cubbon park. cubbon park has really become quite the staple in my bangalorean experience by now. at the park, we spread out and picnicked in this leafy, tree-filled nook.
now, everything was sweet and precious and lovely. pd was happy, we were all happy, everything felt beautiful and real and absolutely lifting. okay, this is all true. but i cannot tell you the story of the day without sharing some of the not so beautiful. it is simply not right.
i've mentioned before that many men in india have what would be considered a "staring problem" in the states. for the most part, i've adjusted very quickly to that and choose to properly ignore it. now, cubbon park is a public park and typically filled with lots of those roaming, absolutelynothingtodowiththeirday men that i mentioned in a previous post. this means that it is to be expected that there will be men around. men who stare. and that's just the way it is. now, consider this. there were seven of us. we are all young, educated, rather vibrant and chatty women. we are dressed in sarees and it is obvious that this isn't our everyday sort of wear. we are sitting down together drinking wine, eating fruits and bread and cheeses, laughing. okay. this may seem like a rather normal saturday afternoon in dolores park in san francisco but here in bangalore it is a sight. a most definite sight. so while we were sitting there, multiple men were walking around us, slowing as they passed, finding spots to perch a good distance away and just watch. it's strange, i know, but it is just the way things are here. all of that was easy enough to ignore. until, one man was lurking rather close to our spot and just watching. when one of the girls asked him what he was doing, he started to move on. however, instead of moving on, he squatted down under a tree, literally ten feet away from where we were, and just sat there and stared at us. after a good ten or fifteen minutes one of the girls asked him to leave. she said that there was so much room all over the park, was it really necessary for him to sit so near to us and just stare?
he responded back in english with "sister, why can't i sit here? what is the problem?" they went back and forth in english and kannada until finally one of the other girls was like, listen the police are right over there, we're not afraid to get them, please just move on. this made him angry and he yelled out, why are you all looking at me? to which we all responded with, are you serious!? you've been just staring at us and now we're looking at you, asking you to find another place! he claimed it was a public park and he had every right to sit and look at whatever he wanted. when the police were then brought up again, this man [who btw was probably in his mid-thirties, was semi-educated seeming, and dressed in clean but very simple clothing] said:
"i am going to throw acid on you all."
pallavi responded wryly with where he could go pick some up. to which he said:
"i already have some in my pocket."
she told him to show her and, when he couldn't do so, he walked another 40-50 feet away and screamed back at us, is this okay? can i sit here? is this acceptable??
we opted to pick up and move after that. the thing is acid attacks are not uncommon in india. usually they are the result of a jilted lover but still, they are not uncommon. the ridiculous part was that it was obvious this man felt he had every right to throw acid on us because we dared to not only confront him but then to stand by our guns as a group too. a group of women. it was probably the first time since i've gotten here that i felt mildly unsafe. what a struggle it is to be a woman in such an unquestionably patriarchal place.
and, to be honest, although i was super comfy and at ease in the sari, a sari is not the ideal thing to be dressed in when you want to feel capable of defending yourself. it just really isn't. something about it makes you feel even more handicapped than you may or may not already feel.
so that was our moment of drama. we just packed up and went to ride the toy train that went throughout the park instead. that was sweet. afterwards, rheea and i jammed home so we could set up for the night activities while the rest of the girls took pd for drinks and more park time.
rheea, molly and i set the house up with homemade facials, nail polish stations, scarves & candles & vases filled with flowers, mats and plush seating on the terrace, and fun music. when the rest of the girls came, we did the facials, dressed up in pretty clothes, had food delivered, drank cocktails and beer, played bachelorette card games, danced, and just all-in-all had a wonderful time. ekta and yashu had picked up these beautiful head wreaths in istanbul for everyone to wear. we looked like glowing fairy princesses, buzzing around our queen-for-the-day. the house was ringing with girlish laughter all night long. pd looked like she absolutely adored all of her bachelorette festivites, both day and night.
i personally think it was a grand success. bride to be was happy, everyone was enjoying their time, and nobody was sick/hurt/etc. afterwards, the house was strewn with sleeping girls and the scent of flowers lingered in the air as we all slept.
we all changed into sarees, helped doll up our bride-to-be, and headed to airlines for a late breakfast. airlines is one of the oldest restaurants in bangalore. it has quintessential south indian breakast and open-air seating. we sat and drank coffee or tea, munching on deliciousness and just happily chatting, taking everything in.
after yashu and meghna met up with us, the seven of us walked to cubbon park. cubbon park has really become quite the staple in my bangalorean experience by now. at the park, we spread out and picnicked in this leafy, tree-filled nook.
now, everything was sweet and precious and lovely. pd was happy, we were all happy, everything felt beautiful and real and absolutely lifting. okay, this is all true. but i cannot tell you the story of the day without sharing some of the not so beautiful. it is simply not right.
i've mentioned before that many men in india have what would be considered a "staring problem" in the states. for the most part, i've adjusted very quickly to that and choose to properly ignore it. now, cubbon park is a public park and typically filled with lots of those roaming, absolutelynothingtodowiththeirday men that i mentioned in a previous post. this means that it is to be expected that there will be men around. men who stare. and that's just the way it is. now, consider this. there were seven of us. we are all young, educated, rather vibrant and chatty women. we are dressed in sarees and it is obvious that this isn't our everyday sort of wear. we are sitting down together drinking wine, eating fruits and bread and cheeses, laughing. okay. this may seem like a rather normal saturday afternoon in dolores park in san francisco but here in bangalore it is a sight. a most definite sight. so while we were sitting there, multiple men were walking around us, slowing as they passed, finding spots to perch a good distance away and just watch. it's strange, i know, but it is just the way things are here. all of that was easy enough to ignore. until, one man was lurking rather close to our spot and just watching. when one of the girls asked him what he was doing, he started to move on. however, instead of moving on, he squatted down under a tree, literally ten feet away from where we were, and just sat there and stared at us. after a good ten or fifteen minutes one of the girls asked him to leave. she said that there was so much room all over the park, was it really necessary for him to sit so near to us and just stare?
he responded back in english with "sister, why can't i sit here? what is the problem?" they went back and forth in english and kannada until finally one of the other girls was like, listen the police are right over there, we're not afraid to get them, please just move on. this made him angry and he yelled out, why are you all looking at me? to which we all responded with, are you serious!? you've been just staring at us and now we're looking at you, asking you to find another place! he claimed it was a public park and he had every right to sit and look at whatever he wanted. when the police were then brought up again, this man [who btw was probably in his mid-thirties, was semi-educated seeming, and dressed in clean but very simple clothing] said:
"i am going to throw acid on you all."
pallavi responded wryly with where he could go pick some up. to which he said:
"i already have some in my pocket."
she told him to show her and, when he couldn't do so, he walked another 40-50 feet away and screamed back at us, is this okay? can i sit here? is this acceptable??
we opted to pick up and move after that. the thing is acid attacks are not uncommon in india. usually they are the result of a jilted lover but still, they are not uncommon. the ridiculous part was that it was obvious this man felt he had every right to throw acid on us because we dared to not only confront him but then to stand by our guns as a group too. a group of women. it was probably the first time since i've gotten here that i felt mildly unsafe. what a struggle it is to be a woman in such an unquestionably patriarchal place.
and, to be honest, although i was super comfy and at ease in the sari, a sari is not the ideal thing to be dressed in when you want to feel capable of defending yourself. it just really isn't. something about it makes you feel even more handicapped than you may or may not already feel.
so that was our moment of drama. we just packed up and went to ride the toy train that went throughout the park instead. that was sweet. afterwards, rheea and i jammed home so we could set up for the night activities while the rest of the girls took pd for drinks and more park time.
rheea, molly and i set the house up with homemade facials, nail polish stations, scarves & candles & vases filled with flowers, mats and plush seating on the terrace, and fun music. when the rest of the girls came, we did the facials, dressed up in pretty clothes, had food delivered, drank cocktails and beer, played bachelorette card games, danced, and just all-in-all had a wonderful time. ekta and yashu had picked up these beautiful head wreaths in istanbul for everyone to wear. we looked like glowing fairy princesses, buzzing around our queen-for-the-day. the house was ringing with girlish laughter all night long. pd looked like she absolutely adored all of her bachelorette festivites, both day and night.
i personally think it was a grand success. bride to be was happy, everyone was enjoying their time, and nobody was sick/hurt/etc. afterwards, the house was strewn with sleeping girls and the scent of flowers lingered in the air as we all slept.
I cannot be sure but I think most girls including my sister have the same issue when it comes to sarees. Managing while trying to board a bus, walking fast and yes, being able to defend. High kicks are out ofcourse but most ladies who wear sarees would tell you that you can do most other things once you are used to it.
ReplyDeleteAnd you should have called police. Being lewd and threatening to pour acid is not on. Indian laws are board enough to cover most offences.